PORTSMOUTH, Va. — Finding freedom from an abuser is difficult, but it's worth it. That's according to domestic violence survivors in Hampton Roads.
This year, advocates say they've seen an increase in domestic violence in our area. They're now sounding the alarm for awareness and sharing survivor stories. One survivor is Jazmine Smith. She's an advocate and Army veteran who lives in Portsmouth.
"The first time he brandished a weapon at me was at my prom," Jazmine Smith began.
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Smith met her abuser at age 17. He was 21.
"I didn't feel loved, or cared about, or needed at home. So, the first person that showed me any attention, I thought that he truly cared about me," said Smith.
She married her abuser and gave birth to a child, but the emotional and physical abuse grew worse.
"And I tried to leave many, many, many, many times," said Smith.
She said her drive to become a better mother gave her the courage to file for divorce. Her abuser attacked her. He wound up behind bars.
"He had a gun, and he pulled the gun and it jammed, so he strangled me instead," said Smith.
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Smith's story rings true for so many others.
"It could come in a different form of abuse like financial control, or verbal or mental abuse. There's a lot of different ways it presents," explained Trish Coffey, president of Women Against Violence, chairperson at Samaritan House in Virginia Beach.
Data from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) revealed in 2017 in Virginia about 34 percent of women and over 28 percent of men experienced intimate partner violence, intimate partner rape or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes. The NCADV also reports in 2020 most homicides in Virginia were committed by an intimate partner.
"It takes the average person seven times to permanently leave their abuser. It's really just because the abuser has gotten into their head, they've made them feel like they have nothing without this person, and they won't be able to live on their own," said Coffey.
Now Smith is free and thriving. She works with agencies around Hampton Roads. She wants to help parents and teens learn the signs of a toxic relationship.
"I've come full circle in being able to reflect on where I was as a teenager and then also having a teenager and trying to navigate that," said Smith.
She said that just because teens are young doesn't mean that domestic violence won't occur. That's why she said it's especially important for parents to know and look for the signs.
Some signs shared by the Samaritan House and National Domestic Violence Hotline include:
- The relationship gets serious very quickly
- Constant and obsessive jealousy
- Justifying controlling behavior as 'caring' behavior
- Personal insults
- Unrealistic relationship expectations
- Isolation away from other friends or family
- Tracking or stalking through technology
- Threats of abuse
Smith said it's difficult for those struggling with domestic violence to ask for help, but help is available. She said parents can always reach out to local resources to find information and prompts to open discussions with their teens.
If you or someone you know is facing domestic violence, visit the links below for resources.
Samaritan House in Virginia Beach
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
